Never let go of that one-time-opportunity-that-you-have-been-waiting-for-so-long! Dammit. :| What's with the pride? For crying out loud!
Hay, How stupid of me. :-/ Di bale na, that's life. Sometimes the player is just so dumb she wanna knock her head off. And that's me. YAY ME!
Next topic :))
I was supposed to make a post before as I have said in my previous entry but there some minor problems. ^^ I was reaaaaally reallllyyyy REAAAAAALLY UPSET/DISAPPOINTED/DEPRESSED/FRUSTRATED/SAD at that time (when I posted that entry). All I want was someone to talk to, someone to hug... or so whatever. Basta, I need someone by my side at that time. But unluckily, no one was there eh. I don't know kung sinadya ni God that I'll face it alone or karma since wala rin siguro ako sa tabi niyo if you have that 'moment' or maybe, time lang talaga because it was really late at night. But whatever it is, that was the first time I felt na, there was no one by my side to face that certain problem. I have to face it alone, standing on my two feet.
If you're gna ask me where are the other people.. well.. All of the people here in our house are asleep already except for my Tita Eva who was cleaning her nails and was focused at it *nakatalikod sha sa akin habang nanunuod ng TV*. There wasn't much people online in YM. I pmed almost all people who's online. I was like.. please reply.. please please please in my mind. :( I don't know... No one replied. Except for a friend, but he was busy too. I don't know what else to do.. :| When medyo okay na yung lahat, some of them replied na. How sad, kung kailan okay na saka nagsireply. Oh well.
This isn't the first time na I have encountered this problem eh. Lagi nga actually. My mum and I don't understand each other well. I can't blame my mum, she's far away.. we don't have much communication at all. I can't see her, she can't see me... she can't cook for me, she can't hug me like what your mum does. :| Basically, she can't be a mum to me like everyone else. Maybe she is, like, she provides what we need, etc.. but she's like invisible O___O
I know, hindi na ako bata to not understand why she's so far away. Honestly, Naiintindihan ko lahat, clearrrrly. Pero it's just so unfair for me, for all of us. :| I know, maraming may ganitong situation, nasa abroad pamilya blah blah blah. But I don't give a damn. What I'm pointing at is, bakit ganon? Why do other people at my age experience those things that I don't even have any idea what the hell is that. Basta, mahirap iexplain. Mahirap na, naiiyak na naman ako.
SHARE LANG. I shared para maintindihan niyo and just so you know, madami din kayo mapupulot na aral from my mum. Ü
ayoko napipintasan kau ng kuya mo...ang unang nasasakatan ako...pinalaki ko kau ng maayos nag hihirap ako dito ayoko makita kau at maging buhay nyo masira tatanda ako at u will grow up time nyo naman to shine paano kau magiging successful in life kung ngyon palang revellious kau... if not rebellious thank GOD... kau ng brother mo wala man lang idea kung gaano kasakit sa akin na mapalayo kaung 2 sa akin... probably sanay na kau kasi matagal na panahon na wala ako sa tabi nnyo... gusto ko maging maayos ang buhay nnyo ng kuya mo... its very tough for me... na bigayn kau ng advices mmost of the tym kasi na mi-mis interpret nnyo ako... gusto ko maging maayos ang buhay nnyo ng kuya mo...kasi very short ang means of communication natin at di ko kau nayayakap at nakakasama... pero sana intindihin din nnyo ako. nanay nnyo ako di ko nagagwa un responsibilities ko hanggang sa lumaki kau ..kasi the situiation does not allow me to do so...pero dapat bang masira buhay nnyo dahil wala ako...ikaw nakakusap mo kuya mo, bakit di kau mag usap tungkol sa mga sinasabi ko sau at sa kanya. alam ko mabait kang bata, ur not bad daughter ur too good. im not depriving you too be happy, of course i want u to be happy and be normal like any other teenager... gustuhin ko man na najan ako paano un future mo.gusto ko matnggap sa inaaplyan ko kasi umaasa ako na taas ang sweldo ko gusto ko mapag aral ko kau ni kuya makasama ko kau...alam ko naiinggit ka kapag nag kukuwtuhan kau ng friends mo or may special events na kasama mga magulang....im trying to be amom kahit wala ako jan.
Whenever I read this lines, I just can't stop my tears from falling. Pati na rin sipon ko :)) Basta yan na yun. If you know me well, alam mo naman siguro yung stand ng family namin right now. We're not in good terms. Apat na nga lang kami, bawat isa pa sa kanila may problem. Ako lang ata yung wala, that's why I'm absorbing it all. I just don't know what to do sometimes. Sabog nalang ako bigla. That's also why kapit na kapit ako sa mga friends ko, because that's the only thing I have na pwede kong kapitan. Hopefully, they'll never leave. :)
Oh okay na ako. That's what I'll blog muna. Tomorrow muna *sana* yung others. I need to have dinner pa. 11:09pm
Miss you kung sino ka mang nagbabasa, I really do. *hug*
Labels: family matter I guess